from the weird world of Steven Wright.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it is always room temperature.

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "help wanted." There was another sign below it that said "self-service." So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

I once put instant coffee in the microwave and went back in time.

I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It's a pain to fold.

Right now I am having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

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